carrot before the horse – sacramental preparation

In yesterday`s blog post, I expressed my belief in an inclusive approach to catechetical programs. All children should be welcomed with open arms. Obsessively policing Mass attendance or judging the lifestyle or faithfulness of a family should not be the criteria for admittance into a parish catechetical program.  My favourite gospel scenes are those where Jesus puts the Pharisees in their place, and chows down with the sinners!

But, this open and inclusive approach is challenged in the sacramental preparation years; First Communion, Reconciliation and Confirmation. I struggled with this in my years as a First Communion catechist. I hated the “carrot before the horse” mentality of sacramental preparation. A long list of requirements was given to parents at the beginning of the year. If these requirements were not met, then the child would be refused the sacraments. I was stuck in the middle of many power struggles between priest and parents.

There is one case that remains burned in my memory. A mother had refused to take the child to Sunday mass all year, and was locked in a battle of wills with the pastor. She had been told that her son could not receive the Eucharist at this time, but she defiantly dropped him off for our last class before First Communion Sunday. Her son was a wonderful, sweet boy and a good student. He knew nothing of the battle going on behind his back. I had to hide my fury and pretend all was well, while building up the excitement for the rest of the class.

The pastor was the kind that was always ready for a fight, but his stance was not unique. Friends from other parts of the world have described priests who demand to see a bulletin from a visiting parish if you do not show up in your home church on a Sunday morning! A subsequent pastor in our parish had the Catechetical Director handing out attendance tickets at the end of mass to all the students. These were to be handed to their Catechism teacher at the next class. What a sad state of affairs. What an inhospitable welcome into our worshipping community.

Catechist’s have a difficult job already. Policing a child`s church attendance shouldn`t be part of their job description. It especially embarrasses the younger children who depend on their parents to get them to church. They shouldn`t have to squirm in their seats, mumbling out some excuse or another in front of teacher and class-mates.

On the other hand, many parents do not understand the connection between catechism classes and attending mass. We must seek better ways to encourage participation in our Sunday liturgies. Threats seldom work. With the First Communion parents I tried to explain it in this way…would you send your child for swimming lessons without ever letting them set foot in a swimming pool? How can we teach them about the Eucharist if they never attend mass?

When a parent has their child baptized, they promise to raise them in the faith. It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a church community to form them in the faith. But the primary responsibility lies in the domestic church of the family. Parents are number one! Not the pastor, and not the catechist. The parish catechetical program cannot be a magic dispenser of faith. God can work miracles, but God works best with our cooperation and collaboration!

2 thoughts on “carrot before the horse – sacramental preparation

  1. Oh my! This describes our parish this year. Not only is it disruptive after chruch as our pastor takes time to initial Mass cards for children, but it also really slows down the line of adults trying to get out the door!

    There needs to be balance between holding up standards and expectations, and inviting people to participate. I can almost guarantee that pastors don’t connect to anybody’s heart (to rise to their best selves) by doling out embarrasment and punishments for rules that are broken.

    • I so agree that there needs to be a balance, Marceta! As you said so well, embarassment and punishments are not the way to go. Sigh…..

      Sorry to hear that this is taking place elsewhere.

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